Relationships fail because most people have conversations like this

By Nicolas Cole

If you listen carefully, most conversations are one-sided.

Someone asks the questions. (A)

Someone talks a lot. (B)

And when the person who talks a lot does direct the conversation back at the other person, they do not ask them questions. Instead, they say statements.

For example:

A: “How are things going?”

B: “Honestly, really good. So much is going well for me! I just moved into a new place. I just started a new job. It’s all fantastic.”

A: “That’s great! Are you adjusting well?”

B: “Oh absolutely. By the way these tacos are great.”

A: “Yup, I love tacos.”

B: “No, they’re like really good. You know I’ve always been a fan of tacos. Tacos are the best.”

A: “I agree.”

B: “Yeah, if I could, I would always eat tacos.”

Etc.

If you read the above, you have to listen closely to see how person A might feel, at some point in this conversation, unheard. Person B does not ask them directly, “What’s going on with you?” They just keep talking (usually about themselves) and saying things at the other person — instead of allowing them the opportunity to talk about themselves too.

This is one of the most common mistakes I have witnessed in human interactions, period.

This dynamic ruins relationships.

It causes unnecessary conflict and misunderstanding.

It stirs resentment.

Everyone wants to be able to share themselves — and if no one ever asks, they turn bitter.

Which makes them less likely to listen to someone else and ask them questions — and then that person turns bitter, etc.

It’s so simple.

When you’re with someone, ask them questions and actually listen.

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