Normieville’s “PCR Test” Crime Wave: an Allegory

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A “Chain Reaction Lab Technique” (not a “test”) — “used to amplify” — “DNA Replication” — “Can produce a billion copies” (of molecules)

IN SHORT — PCR CAN MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF ALMOST NOTHING!

Once upon a time, in the peaceful and quiet town of Normieville, the crooked Mayor and his minions devised a plot to increase their power and raise taxes — the pretext being to “fight crime” and protect the public. With crime virtually non-existent in Normieville, this cunning operation required a fake “epidemic” of an invisible, though forensically discoverable crime and the “flood-the-zone” cooperation of TheNormieville Times.

The first manufactured case occurred at a Mini Mart store on Main Street. Like so many small shops, the Mini Mart had one of those little “Take-a-Penny / Leave-a-Penny” plastic trays at the checkout counter. Customers who were short only a penny or two could take them from the tray and balance out the transaction. Conversely, customer who receive a few pennies in change could drop them in the tray for someone else’s convenience.

One day, Nickie Normie checked out a few items and the tab came out to $8.01. So he handed the cashier $8 in cash along with a penny lifted from the common penny tray. Just before he could exit the store, a burly  police officer nabbed him by the arm.

Policeman: You’re under arrest for probable cause of Grand Larceny!
Nickie Normie: What?! I didn’t steal anything!
Policeman: I saw you take that penny from the tray. And you’re on camera too.
Nickie Normie:(laughing) Officer, that’s the take-a-penny tray! That’s what it’s for. And besides, Grand Larceny has to be over $1000.
Policeman: I’m well are of the law, punk! Yes, it may appear that you only took a penny; but when I get you down to the station, our new PCR test machine will tell us exactly how much you really stole.
Nickie Normie: PCR test? What’s that?
Policeman: It stands for Penny Chain Reaction. PCR allows us to amplify the penny in question through what are known as cycles. It is the “Gold Standard” of forensic testing.
Nickie Normie: Oh dear. Now I’m worried. I could have sworn that I only took one penny.

At the station, the pilfered penny was handed off to a lab technician and placed in the PCR magic minting machine and amplified as Nicky Normie waited nervously in his cell. After one cycle, the original penny had doubled into 2 pennies, the next cycle brought the total to 4 cents; the next, 8 cents; the next, 16 cents; the next 32 cents; the next 64 cents — $1.28 — $2.56 — $5.12 — $10.24 — $20.48 — $40.96 –$81.92 — $163. 84 and so on until the $1,000 milestone for Grand Larceny was reached — 100,000 pennies!

When Nickie was informed of the “test results,” he broke down and sobbed.

Nickie Normie: I’ve never stolen anything in my life. I’m such an honest person. I don’t know what must have gotten into me.
Detective Fauci: Nickie, as a first-time offender, I’m sure that the judge will take your history as a model citizen into consideration. And if you help us, we’re willing to make a plea deal to reduce your sentence
Nickie Normie: Sure. How can I help you?
Detective Fauci: Give us the names of anyone else you may know that has taken pennies out of that or any other such tray — or even picked up a penny off the ground.

And so it began.

The next day, The Normieville Times blasted the news of the shocking theft across its front page. In a full page editorial titled “Follow the Science,” the Editorial Board — quoting the Chief of Police — speculated that Nickie Normie’s theft of $1000 was probably not an isolated case. The innocent citizens of Normieville were urged to “get tested” for their invisible crimes. From the editorial:

“Protect yourself, protect your community! If you’ve ever shorted any cashiers of a penny, or lifted a penny from any of the many “Take-a-Penny” counter trays around town, we urge you to bring some pennies to the  Normieville police station and submit them to the Penny Chain Reaction test to find out if you are a thief. Follow the science!”

The very next day, hundreds of honest normies voluntarily lined up at the Normieville police station to have their pennies tested. About 20% of them “tested positive” for $1,000 Grand Larceny. Again the headlines screamed:

“Record Crime Wave Sweeps Through Normiedom! Hundreds Arrested!”

The frightened citizens rushed out to buy guns, alarm systems and guard dogs. Those who refused to have their pennies PCR tested were socially ostracized. No one was safe from suspicion — not even those who tested negative because another PCR could always expose them as crooks at a later date. More tests led to more PCR positives (“cases”) — which led to more arrests — which led to more shocking headlines — which led to more tests.

In such a state of trauma-induced “mass formation psychosis,” the Mayor’s calls for higher taxes, a larger and more intrusive police force, and a “Great Reset” of the local economy were welcomed by the demented denizens of Normiedom — who, by now, were willing to subject themselves and innocent others to any indignity in order to end the “crime wave” epidemic. The “common good” was what The Normieville Times referred to the mass psychosis as.

The allegorical account of the Normiedom PCR Crime Wave — admittedly amusing and exaggerated as it may be — is really not all that far off from the mass madness — fueled by PCR and also phony “antigen tests” —  which we are witnessing with Stupid-19. Just drive by your local “Testing Facility” and behold the healthy masked-up boobs waiting in line, in the cold, to get nose-raped for a false positive from a technique which was developed for the sole purpose of facilitating research through “amplification” of genetic material.

But don’t take my word for it. Hear it from Kary Mullis (1:40 video below) the outspoken Nobel Prize winning genius and a legend in the field of biochemistry. Mullis invented the revolutionary PCR technique — and oh so conveniently died (of “pneumonia”) just three months before Stupid-19 was kicked off by abusing his PCR.

And please share this allegory with the frightened and bewildered normies in your life.

2 thoughts on “Normieville’s “PCR Test” Crime Wave: an Allegory

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